I've managed to find a gap in my usual every night college work, to visit DA again. I look through my own gallery and almost want to cringe...I have neglected my art, and those who have supported it. Me.
Although I'm enjoying college and learning new things, I feel like I don't have the time to keep my passion for art burning...and that comes from picking up a pencil or whatever and drawing something, no, Anything at least once a day. I know that I'm doing this Graphic Design degree in order to reach my dream of becoming a concept artist, but it seems to be quite a strange way of getting there. Graphic Design is so different to what I was used to doing. I can't just do whatever I want with the projects. I can't base all of them on my original passion. No, this degree is full of theory and planning and packaging and websites...ugh. I grit my teeth though...because I know it's going to get me that one step closer to where I want to be. Every so often, I even go into the Bethesda Game Studios job application page so that I can see what that industry requires of me to make the cut. It's like I'm living according to a job requirements list for a company that is still too far away to be within reach. It unnerves me, but I will do it. I will do whatever it takes.
I want to join the ranks of one of the best. I want companies to search for me because of my talent. You understand that feeling, don't you? I will write as many seemingly irrelevant essays about design as I have to, if it will get me through.
Ah, I'm sorry. I get worked up. I'm just missing how things used to be. When I had the time to sketch and create to my heart's desire and to share my art and ask for guidance...I miss this. Alas, reality has the habit of crashing down on my head every time I begin to day-dream too much. The stress creeps back in, and my mind is yanked away from passionate, determined, inspired thoughts. But I am left with just enough to hope. Just enough faith that I will get through it all.
For I can see the end, and it is a rumbling storm that brews on the horizon. It is the vision of a wise, all-knowing gaze that beckons me forward...without fear.